The New Me

Part of my New Year’s Resolution goals was to lose this weight once and for all. To not start over again & instead to continue on with my journey, even if I fail a day or two here and there.

I hate how this weight is literally keeping me down… in more ways than one. It’s depressing and you can’t run from it. Or run at all. It changes your relationships with people, the ones you truly love. Even though, you know they will love you regardless of what you look like… it’s hard to be the same confident person you were just years ago.. it changes things, your perspective on things, your outlook on life. And things that were so fun before and a constant in my life, are no longer. Take for example something as simple as taking pictures.

I used to love being in pictures… now my heart drops whenever a phone is brought out for a ‘selfie’. I always hate how I look, how I ruin the picture.

I also feel like everyone is always judging me. I watch everyone’s eyes… it is now a habit, and as soon as their eyes detour from my face to anywhere else on my body, I just know what they are thinking. And it could possibly be they are just zoning out and that’s where their eyes just happen to land. But regardless of the intentions or what they are thinking, that’s what I think. Every. Single. Time.

And please raise your glass and take a drink with me if you have that friend who always tells you how fat they are yet they are half the size of your leg? Maybe they don’t realize how that makes you feel… maybe they don’t realize you’d do anything to look like them… the ever-so-fat person they think they are? It’s down right hurtful. I hear it constantly from tons of people… some people I don’t know, some that I do. 90% of the time they are just fishing for compliments. And I don’t give them any. And maybe the other 10% have as bad as self esteem issues as I do. But either way, there’s a way to go about it to not make the actual ‘fat’ person feel so low about themselves.

 

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I am tired of hearing everyone’s opinion how I should eat. Of those who have claimed to know it all, non are even a licensed dietitian. Everyone has a different opinion and they all think that’s how I will lose the weight. Although, some of these crash diets aren’t doing their body justice like they think it is… but who I am to tell anyone that? If they have found what works for their body, then great! Kudos to you! But please, don’t tell me that’s exactly how I should eat as well. I have read enough trainers’ blogs, books, and even had a personal trainer myself to have a guideline of how to eat. If all the professionals have used the same eating tactics for decades upon decades… it must have some truth behind it & work. I know my body needs all the food groups… and I personally don’t think starving your body of one or more of those groups is the answer. But that’s my personal opinion, in which everyone is entitled to their own. So for me, I know what to do… and it doesn’t seem too difficult. I just need to plan and prep for the week. Something I really need to work on. The quote “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail” couldn’t be more true in the weight loss regimen. And that’s changing for me now.

I knew back in my younger years that I was not like most girls my age when it comes to my weight. I remember very distinctly going back-to-school shopping in junior high… 7th or 8th grade. I was so ecstatic, after all, I was getting new clothes to wear for the following new school year. Of course, we go straight for the juniors section in the department store. There were so many clothes that I instantly fell in love with. I was grabbing all the mediums of all the cutest styles. While walking to the dressing room, I was trying to determine how I was going to narrow my search down to just three outfits! However, once in the dressing room.. I discovered every single one of those shirts were skin tight. So I asked my mom to go get me all larges, having a slight panic attack. She came back with the larger shirts and much to my dismay, they were all, still, too tight. I didn’t even attempt the next size up. I was in junior high… I didn’t want the XL’s. As I took the clothes back to the racks, I took a mental note looking for any XL’s in those tops… just in case the rest of our trip had this similar outcome. And there weren’t any. And the rest of my trip went exactly like that. I ended up with my three new outfits, and while I liked them, none of them were my first, second, third, or even fourth choice.

It wasn’t fair, I wasn’t eating crap all the time. I was still active between dance, softball, and volleyball. So why me? I remember feeling like I was already bigger than all the other girls because I swear I was a foot taller than them all. Walking next to girls in the hall who were short, petite, skinny and cute, made me feel like an Amazon woman, hovering over all of them, like an elephant stampeding it’s way thru a herd of deer.

In addition to that, I couldn’t even fit into my normal size clothing. I was never a size 0… or even a size 6. But I was happy with where I was. Going two sizes up was a hard one to swallow. Emotions are already a crazy whirl-wind at that age and there’s so much pressure to be liked and to fit in. And yet, I felt like the black sheep, all because I was taller and bigger than everyone. And I was only in Junior High.

Once I got to my freshman year, I did lose the weight & I didn’t even have to try. I was much more active between dance, drill team, pitching practice, and softball practices. And I got back to my normal size and even lost a little more… but in the back of my mind I knew I was going to fight this weight as soon as I became inactive… or even just not as active as I was then. I knew it would be a constant battle eventually in my life. And unfortunately, I was right. But that doesn’t define me.

I am so ready for a chance. I’m ready to live. I’m ready to love being outside and active. I’m ready to want to go for a random bike ride with my offspring. I’m ready to take my family to the pool or on a boat ride.

I want to be an active parent. I want my children to grow up knowing it’s normal to be active. And not sit around and watch TV. So as my first picture said, this is the last time I start for the first time. It’s now or never.

Let’s be honest. I’m not getting any younger here. My skin’s elasticity is diminishing fast if it wasn’t already destroyed by the giant twin belly I had. It’s time to do this now. If I wait another decade like I did in my 20’s… I’m going to be 40, the twins will be 11, Kensli 14, Broden 21 & I am going to be so insanely busy by this point. I need to be fit within a year or two and I need to do this now.

So it’s time. And I have to do more work this time around. I gained all that I previously lost, plus some. Plus a lot really. But these goals are going to become a reality. There are so many reasons I want to be fit. Not just skinny. But fit. The way I look and feel isn’t who I am. This isn’t me.

I’m starting this up again for the last time and I am going to be strict. My posts maybe boring as this is going to be my live journal. Feel free to skim.

But I’m going to do this like I did previously. But just for the sake of making this simple {and not making you click through this blog} , I’ll repeat the rules in this post.

I’m baring it all again. For the sake of accountability. And maybe if you are in the same spot as me, a little inspiration. I’m going to do this. You can do.

Start 220# 210# 200# 190# 180# 170# 160# 150# 140#
L Bicep
R Bicep
Boobs
Under Boobs
Belly Button
Hips
L Thigh
R Thigh

May 4th ~ my starting weight is 230 lb. I’ll take some pictures tonight, take my measurements, and update this post afterwards.

August 4th ~ 1st Quarter Weigh In:                   {Goal: 199. Down 31 lbs}

November 4th ~ 2nd Quarter Weigh In:           {Tentative Goal: 174. Down 25 lbs}

February 4th ~ 3rd Quarter Weigh In:              {Tentative Goal: 159. Down 15 lbs}

May 4th~ Final Weigh in:                                    {Tentative Goal: 140-150 lbs! Down 9-19 lbs}

I plan on taking a picture after every 10 lbs lost.  I’ll take a front facing and side facing picture. When I take a picture, I’ll also add to the above table. I’ll create a new post with updated info in the table with all pictures for comparison.

My official weigh in dates is as listed above with my tentative goals. But I will also weigh in every other Saturday morning.

My biggest difference this time is how I’m going about it. I read Chris Powell’s Choose to Lose and I am going to try to follow his advice.

In a giant nutshell, this is what he preaches.

Each day you eat 5 meals. 6 am, 9 am, noon, 3 pm, & 6 pm. {You can choose what hours you want to make your meals.}
Monday, Wed, & Fridays are low carb days. Your first meal of the day is a protein and a carb. The rest of your meals consist of a protein and fat. You also must do one of the given Shaper Exercises which are resistance-exercise circuits. Shapers are after high-carb days, when your muscles are fueled up and ready for max performance.
Tuesday, Thursday, & Saturdays are high carb days. Every meal is one protein and one fat.
Every meal should have veggies shoved in there also.
Sunday is a free day with no ‘diets’ or workouts.
He also wants you doing certain Shredder Exercies {These burn the fat}Monday through Saturday and prefers you to split them during your day because you burn twice as much even though you’re exercising for the same amount of time. The more you shred, the more body fat you burn. The more time one dedicate’s to shredding, the faster the weight-loss goal is reached.
So look at this post as my first Weight Loss journal entry. I’ll post again at this week to show you where I’m at.
Who’s joining me in this journey? Who has a little bit of weight to lose? Or maybe a lot like me? Or are you just wanting to get healthy or toned? Either way, let’s do this!

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