The 6 Week Weight Loss Challenge is Over… And has been for awhile.

It’s been so long since I have updated this website! I’m not doing so hot on this New Year’s Resolution huh? This summer has just been crazy busy. Every weekend we’ve had events. As much as I love summer… this one has just been non-stop and I’m ready for fall. Football, sweatshirts, tailgating, bonfires… it’s going to be amazing! Best of all, I get my weekends {and weekdays for that matter} back!!!

But anyway, back to what this post is about! As you have read previously, I have started this weight loss journey for real. And things have changed, for the better! I just haven’t posted about it… but that’s all about to change, I promise. I’m going to start at least letting you know where I’m at weight wise.. even if it’s just a number in the post.

If you are friends with me on my personal Facebook page, you probably already know the news regarding my 6 week challenge at Elite Edge Gym, however, if you are not… well here it is: I lost the 20 pounds!!! Not an ounce over or under… exactly 20 pounds.

I am so relieved, as if a huge boulder was taken off my shoulders. During the last week of the challenge, I only had 3 more pounds to go… which typically would have fallen off easily judging from the previous weeks, but for some reason, those pounds were sticking hard the remaining 6 days. And I really think it was stress related.

But in the end, I did it!! That is $300 I got back into my bank account. Seriously… it’s such an amazing feeling, knowing I accomplished my first real, hefty goal. In reward for my 20 pound weight loss, my husband told me I could purchase a pair of cowboy boots to replace the last pair I had to give a burial to on that dreadful, September day… So that following Saturday, that’s exactly what I did, I got a new pair of boots. And I couldn’t be happier with my first weight loss reward.

I’m still debating what my next reward is at the following 20 lbs lost, which I’m aiming to complete by end of August, beginning of September. My reward was going to be a new swimsuit… but at that point, summer will be over. And by next summer, I better be at my end goal & wasting money on a new swimsuit now {at the end up swimsuit season} seems ridiculous to me… so I am still deciding. If you got any ideas, please let me know! :)

Anyway!

I now also get to update my chart and pictures. I forgot to write down all the measurements for the 220#, so one column will be missing those… and I forgot to take pictures at the 210#, but you’ll get the idea. :) I promise I’ll start to remember!

Start 220# 210# 200# 190# 180# 170# 160# 150# 140#
L Bicep  14″  13.5
R Bicep  15″  14.5″
Boobs  47″  43″
Under Boobs  42″  39.5″
Belly Button  51″  47″
Hips  50″  47.5″
L Thigh  27.5″  24.5″
R Thigh  27.5″  25″

 

220 pounds

220lbs-1

220lbs-2

 

Right now, as I type this post, I am soooooo close to 30 lbs.. so I’m about to update all these pictures and chart here in the next few days!!!  {Hopefully}

So now you’re probably wondering what I’m doing now? Or maybe no, but I’m gonna tell ya anyway. I got myself a trainer, named Michael Turner, for the next long haul. I met him at Complete Nutrition in Ankeny {while I was still with Elite} when I was getting more protein powder. He’s the manager there and helped me a lot and we just hit it off right away. Then he mentioned he was a nutritionist and trainer… so I kept his card just in case. And I am so glad I did!

He’s pretty similar to Elite in regards to the food plan {my macros are higher for what my body actually requires}, but it’s much more personal than the large group at Elite.

He actually pays attention; telling me how much to lift, counting for me to ensure I don’t miss one rep. And I actually come home shaking. And I love it.  We have so much fun even if I am cussing him out the entire time… which he loves! I absolutely LOVE lifting and my favorite part is when I hit muscle failure and I literally can. not. do. another. rep.

Clothes that haven’t fit in years are starting to look nice, or dare I say baggy? And people have and do notice a big change, which in my honest opinion, is the best part about this whole journey… I can see the tiniest of change, good or bad, but when it’s drastic enough that other people notice?

It’s awesome sauce.

So I’ll leave you with this for now. But look for another update next week… Good or bad, because I’m surprising Jason with an adult get away trip for our anniversary, and we leave Thursday… But I plan on at least running 2 of the 3 mornings {while everything is quiet} during our vaca. All this will make sense next week when I tell you all the dets! Promise.

And I’m hoping to have another photo dump post soon also! It’s been so long since I’ve posted my offspring!

Hopefully everyone has an amazing week and I can’t wait until next time!!

 

 

Hitting Rock Bottom

Have you ever hit rock bottom? And I don’t necessarily mean just in fighting obesity… it could be with anything; an addiction, a habit, a relationship, anything that tore you down?

It’s not a fun feeling. In fact I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The realization of that rock bottom takes over, consumes you, brings on panic attacks, and breaks you down. To be honest, looking up is completely overwhelming. To see the light at the end of the tunnel seems so impossible, but when you’re sitting at the bottom, hugging your knees, trying to find your breath between your tears, you have no other choice but to stand up & begin the journey towards that light.

It’s an experience alright. And one I pray you never have to go through. But if you do, know you aren’t alone. So many people have had to hit rock bottom before they’re forced to find an escape. And that escape is a process.

My rock bottom? Was this past Saturday night. It was the first night since my birthday back in February, that we didn’t have any small people with us. Broden was at his mom’s, and the girls were with my parents. And we finally had a night to ourselves. And I couldn’t have been more excited for it. It was such a sigh of relief to have him all to myself.

I had dropped off the kidlets and by the time I got home, it was time to shower. We decided date night was Texas Road House {we had a gift card}, and there is no such thing as getting there early on a Saturday. So I hopped in the shower, and once I got out, I realized, for the first time, our towels weren’t wrapping completely around me. Not even close.

Oh well. I knew I gained weight. It wasn’t a surprise really.

But then it was time to get dressed. During the week I work at my in-home daycare… nice clothes aren’t required. I’m up and down all the time, running around, chasing and lifting little squirts all day long.

So it’s rare when I do get to dress up. And Saturday, my date night with my hubby was the first one in a long time. I knew my jeans were getting tight. Like really tight. But Saturday for some reason, it was especially hard to get those suckers on. I really wanted to blame it from still being damp, ya know the feeling: trying to put clothes on when you’re not completely dry from your shower can seriously be a daunting task. But I knew that wasn’t the real reason.

I finally got my jeans on… and it wasn’t pretty.

Next up was tops. I tried on most of the shirts in my closet. And nothing. Not one. single. shirt. fit. How does that even happen? And clearly… I had to find something… I can’t exactly walk out in public top less. So.. I just settled on something. Knowing damn well how awful it looked.

In the duration of the time, Jason was in the shower. And once I finally settled on something, I moved into the bathroom to start my hair. And it was taking all the strength I had to not start bawling. Jason was done showering, got dressed, and instantly knew something was wrong.

He tried to talk to me, he tried to get me to tell him what was clearly bothering me, but there was nothing to say. What was there to say? How on earth was that conversation supposed to go? I was hiding my tears while blow drying my hair and trying to control my quivering lip. I am obese. And there was no hiding from it anymore.  There was no more turning my head from the obvious.

I do not have one piece of clothing that fits. Not sweats, not underwear, no shirts, pants, absolutely nothing in my closet fits me.

Now typically, when one complains they don’t have any clothes to wear… everyone knows they are completely over exaggerating. You know they really have their closet full of clothes, their spare room’s closet full, and totes beyond your wildest dreams that are not longer in style as of last month.

I, however, am not exaggerating. My maternity clothes don’t even fit. And I think that’s what made the realization hit as hard as it did. I was pregnant with twins, in addition to four gallons of extra fluid, yet, the preggo clothes fit then, and now they don’t.

It’s just down right embarrassing. It’s an awful feeling.

As I finished getting ready, I continued on with my pity party. I cried. Had a few panic attacks. I sat and thought, & pondered how the hell I let myself get here. I remembered my totes I have in storage of all the clothes that I use to wear. My skinny clothes as I call them & I refuse to get rid of. I will wear them again. What’s the point in getting rid of them now anyway… they are 10 years old… completely out of style. But once I’m that small again, I won’t even care! Hell, I’m 30 with a small herd of children. I make my own damn style. I’ll just be excited because it’ll feel like a whole new wardrobe!

And that’s when the hardest part of my rock bottom hit, while I was wallowing in my own self pity, I manage to realize I have almost 100 lbs to lose. Just wrap your head around that. 100 lbs. 100 fucking pounds. I have never… ever… once imagined being able to get this big. Yet, that day I never thought I would see, is here. Que: my last panic attack for that day.

Then I decided it was time to buck up. This 100 pounds doesn’t define who I am. The person I am is hiding inside just dying to be released. This 100 pounds isn’t permanent. Just because it’s here now, doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. I can change this. It’s a giant climb out from the rock bottom, but it’s possible.

And I’m going to fucking do it.

Writing my last post, it hit me like a ton of bricks just what my first hurdle would be: doing this weight loss journey for me. Sure I said I wanted to lose weight in the past, who doesn’t? But I never wanted it for me. In fact, I always had a work out buddy. Which is great, don’t get me wrong. I highly suggest having one if it fits your needs. But make sure you aren’t using your work out buddy as a crutch. Last summer I worked out with my cousin, Beth, a lot. We rode bikes before work, sometimes hit the gym, worked out in my basement a couple times.

flipping tire

But every morning, I hoped and prayed she would cancel. I would listen for that text to come through and cringe just a little bit when it never came. But when it did? I would lay back, close my eyes, go back to sleep, and completely forget about the fact I was missing my workout. I would use my workout buddy as my reason for working out at all and also my excuse as to why I missed it. I never thought twice. If they canceled, I canceled.

I could have easily gotten up anyway and went for that bike ride. But didn’t. Because my crutch wasn’t there to ‘help me’.

I didn’t need help. I didn’t need a workout buddy to make me exercise. I needed me to want it. And I just didn’t want it bad enough. Because I hadn’t hit rock bottom.

This week, Kosoma started a 3 week free trial, and while at one the Campbell’s famous BBQ’s, my cousin Brett’s, girlfriend, Emily {are you following me?} told me about this free 3 week trial and asked if I would be interested in joining her. Knowing about my previous night, I just went with it. I was scared out of my mind if I am being honest. I heard Kosoma was tough. And I’m not in shape enough to be tough. But what did I have to lose? Besides weight? :)

Day 1: sucked balls. In fact, getting into my Yukon about made me topple over and fall to the ground. I could barley lift my arms to the steering wheel and switching my foot from the gas peddle to the brake and back to the gas… was almost impossible.

But almost impossible, almost fell, and barley lifting my arms? It wasn’t “I couldn’t”. It wasn’t “I couldn’t get into my Yukon” or “couldn’t lift my foot for the gas and brake peddle.” Which meant I couldn’t be as weak as I originally thought I was.

So I went for round two Tuesday night. And it hurt just as bad as night one. But I once again, walked out of there, got into my vehicle, and made it home. Without collapsing.

But on day three, my first giant hurdle was tested… because Emily couldn’t go to Kosoma last night. And for the first time in a super long time I didn’t even hesitate. I knew for a fact, I was going regardless. Because I was doing this for me.

And what made me feel even better? When I got home, my husband looked me in the eye and said “I am so proud of you. I know how bad you are hurting, and I know what the old you would have done when you received Emily’s message. And you went anyway. You’ve been talking about this for a long time & it’s time to just do it.” I have realized I am not using her to get my workouts in. I am just fully enjoying her as an actual workout buddy. What a work out buddy should be.

This is for real. I’m doing this. I may hurt for a long time. And I may have to fall down on the toilet because my legs can’t let me down easy… but I’m doing this. For me. And that statement is such a breath of fresh air. Which means I’m one giant hurdle up from that rock bottom.

The New Me

Part of my New Year’s Resolution goals was to lose this weight once and for all. To not start over again & instead to continue on with my journey, even if I fail a day or two here and there.

I hate how this weight is literally keeping me down… in more ways than one. It’s depressing and you can’t run from it. Or run at all. It changes your relationships with people, the ones you truly love. Even though, you know they will love you regardless of what you look like… it’s hard to be the same confident person you were just years ago.. it changes things, your perspective on things, your outlook on life. And things that were so fun before and a constant in my life, are no longer. Take for example something as simple as taking pictures.

I used to love being in pictures… now my heart drops whenever a phone is brought out for a ‘selfie’. I always hate how I look, how I ruin the picture.

I also feel like everyone is always judging me. I watch everyone’s eyes… it is now a habit, and as soon as their eyes detour from my face to anywhere else on my body, I just know what they are thinking. And it could possibly be they are just zoning out and that’s where their eyes just happen to land. But regardless of the intentions or what they are thinking, that’s what I think. Every. Single. Time.

And please raise your glass and take a drink with me if you have that friend who always tells you how fat they are yet they are half the size of your leg? Maybe they don’t realize how that makes you feel… maybe they don’t realize you’d do anything to look like them… the ever-so-fat person they think they are? It’s down right hurtful. I hear it constantly from tons of people… some people I don’t know, some that I do. 90% of the time they are just fishing for compliments. And I don’t give them any. And maybe the other 10% have as bad as self esteem issues as I do. But either way, there’s a way to go about it to not make the actual ‘fat’ person feel so low about themselves.

 

IMG_7420

I am tired of hearing everyone’s opinion how I should eat. Of those who have claimed to know it all, non are even a licensed dietitian. Everyone has a different opinion and they all think that’s how I will lose the weight. Although, some of these crash diets aren’t doing their body justice like they think it is… but who I am to tell anyone that? If they have found what works for their body, then great! Kudos to you! But please, don’t tell me that’s exactly how I should eat as well. I have read enough trainers’ blogs, books, and even had a personal trainer myself to have a guideline of how to eat. If all the professionals have used the same eating tactics for decades upon decades… it must have some truth behind it & work. I know my body needs all the food groups… and I personally don’t think starving your body of one or more of those groups is the answer. But that’s my personal opinion, in which everyone is entitled to their own. So for me, I know what to do… and it doesn’t seem too difficult. I just need to plan and prep for the week. Something I really need to work on. The quote “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail” couldn’t be more true in the weight loss regimen. And that’s changing for me now.

I knew back in my younger years that I was not like most girls my age when it comes to my weight. I remember very distinctly going back-to-school shopping in junior high… 7th or 8th grade. I was so ecstatic, after all, I was getting new clothes to wear for the following new school year. Of course, we go straight for the juniors section in the department store. There were so many clothes that I instantly fell in love with. I was grabbing all the mediums of all the cutest styles. While walking to the dressing room, I was trying to determine how I was going to narrow my search down to just three outfits! However, once in the dressing room.. I discovered every single one of those shirts were skin tight. So I asked my mom to go get me all larges, having a slight panic attack. She came back with the larger shirts and much to my dismay, they were all, still, too tight. I didn’t even attempt the next size up. I was in junior high… I didn’t want the XL’s. As I took the clothes back to the racks, I took a mental note looking for any XL’s in those tops… just in case the rest of our trip had this similar outcome. And there weren’t any. And the rest of my trip went exactly like that. I ended up with my three new outfits, and while I liked them, none of them were my first, second, third, or even fourth choice.

It wasn’t fair, I wasn’t eating crap all the time. I was still active between dance, softball, and volleyball. So why me? I remember feeling like I was already bigger than all the other girls because I swear I was a foot taller than them all. Walking next to girls in the hall who were short, petite, skinny and cute, made me feel like an Amazon woman, hovering over all of them, like an elephant stampeding it’s way thru a herd of deer.

In addition to that, I couldn’t even fit into my normal size clothing. I was never a size 0… or even a size 6. But I was happy with where I was. Going two sizes up was a hard one to swallow. Emotions are already a crazy whirl-wind at that age and there’s so much pressure to be liked and to fit in. And yet, I felt like the black sheep, all because I was taller and bigger than everyone. And I was only in Junior High.

Once I got to my freshman year, I did lose the weight & I didn’t even have to try. I was much more active between dance, drill team, pitching practice, and softball practices. And I got back to my normal size and even lost a little more… but in the back of my mind I knew I was going to fight this weight as soon as I became inactive… or even just not as active as I was then. I knew it would be a constant battle eventually in my life. And unfortunately, I was right. But that doesn’t define me.

I am so ready for a chance. I’m ready to live. I’m ready to love being outside and active. I’m ready to want to go for a random bike ride with my offspring. I’m ready to take my family to the pool or on a boat ride.

I want to be an active parent. I want my children to grow up knowing it’s normal to be active. And not sit around and watch TV. So as my first picture said, this is the last time I start for the first time. It’s now or never.

Let’s be honest. I’m not getting any younger here. My skin’s elasticity is diminishing fast if it wasn’t already destroyed by the giant twin belly I had. It’s time to do this now. If I wait another decade like I did in my 20’s… I’m going to be 40, the twins will be 11, Kensli 14, Broden 21 & I am going to be so insanely busy by this point. I need to be fit within a year or two and I need to do this now.

So it’s time. And I have to do more work this time around. I gained all that I previously lost, plus some. Plus a lot really. But these goals are going to become a reality. There are so many reasons I want to be fit. Not just skinny. But fit. The way I look and feel isn’t who I am. This isn’t me.

I’m starting this up again for the last time and I am going to be strict. My posts maybe boring as this is going to be my live journal. Feel free to skim.

But I’m going to do this like I did previously. But just for the sake of making this simple {and not making you click through this blog} , I’ll repeat the rules in this post.

I’m baring it all again. For the sake of accountability. And maybe if you are in the same spot as me, a little inspiration. I’m going to do this. You can do.

Start 220# 210# 200# 190# 180# 170# 160# 150# 140#
L Bicep
R Bicep
Boobs
Under Boobs
Belly Button
Hips
L Thigh
R Thigh

May 4th ~ my starting weight is 230 lb. I’ll take some pictures tonight, take my measurements, and update this post afterwards.

August 4th ~ 1st Quarter Weigh In:                   {Goal: 199. Down 31 lbs}

November 4th ~ 2nd Quarter Weigh In:           {Tentative Goal: 174. Down 25 lbs}

February 4th ~ 3rd Quarter Weigh In:              {Tentative Goal: 159. Down 15 lbs}

May 4th~ Final Weigh in:                                    {Tentative Goal: 140-150 lbs! Down 9-19 lbs}

I plan on taking a picture after every 10 lbs lost.  I’ll take a front facing and side facing picture. When I take a picture, I’ll also add to the above table. I’ll create a new post with updated info in the table with all pictures for comparison.

My official weigh in dates is as listed above with my tentative goals. But I will also weigh in every other Saturday morning.

My biggest difference this time is how I’m going about it. I read Chris Powell’s Choose to Lose and I am going to try to follow his advice.

In a giant nutshell, this is what he preaches.

Each day you eat 5 meals. 6 am, 9 am, noon, 3 pm, & 6 pm. {You can choose what hours you want to make your meals.}
Monday, Wed, & Fridays are low carb days. Your first meal of the day is a protein and a carb. The rest of your meals consist of a protein and fat. You also must do one of the given Shaper Exercises which are resistance-exercise circuits. Shapers are after high-carb days, when your muscles are fueled up and ready for max performance.
Tuesday, Thursday, & Saturdays are high carb days. Every meal is one protein and one fat.
Every meal should have veggies shoved in there also.
Sunday is a free day with no ‘diets’ or workouts.
He also wants you doing certain Shredder Exercies {These burn the fat}Monday through Saturday and prefers you to split them during your day because you burn twice as much even though you’re exercising for the same amount of time. The more you shred, the more body fat you burn. The more time one dedicate’s to shredding, the faster the weight-loss goal is reached.
So look at this post as my first Weight Loss journal entry. I’ll post again at this week to show you where I’m at.
Who’s joining me in this journey? Who has a little bit of weight to lose? Or maybe a lot like me? Or are you just wanting to get healthy or toned? Either way, let’s do this!

First Quarter in Kicking Fat’s Ass

Well where do I begin. I fought with myself over and over on how to write this post. Why can’t weight just melt off as easy as it is to pack on?

I failed. I failed miserably.

I actually got down to 210 on Friday, Sept 19th, and I was soooo happy with myself. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to take a picture and fill out the chart because it was the day before my brother’s wedding, and us ladies were doing bridesmaid stuff!  Then life happened and I gained some back. Really… just a lot of excuses happened.

As I have stated before, my first quarter goal for myself was 199 by October 10th. Well. It’s not going to happen. Or come anywhere close! I haven’t stepped on a scale lately, so I don’t know what my exact weight is. And frankly, I’m just scared to do so. I don’t want to see what life did to me.

But it is what it is. What can I do now? Except get my ass going again. It’s never to late to pick it back up. And that’s what I’m going to do. I don’t want to use the phrase ‘starting over’, because I don’t believe I am. I’m still working on that 5k training and I’m not at my beginning weight. But more or less, getting back on that wagon.

I decided I’m not adjusting my second quarter weight loss goal of 174 by January 9th. It would have been much easier to get there had I met the goal for next week, but I did it to myself. On the Extreme Weight Loss show, many participants don’t make their goals, but that didn’t change anything. They just had to learn from the past and move on.

So… looking at what had happened the last two months, I came up with a couple huge things I need to work on.

1) Drinking once a week. I picked up on the drinking due to being stressed about other things in my life right now, and instead I should have picked up a dumbbell. It made it impossible to get up at 4:30 the next morning or get anything done the following day for that matter. So it’s time for a change in that aspect. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be partaking, just cut back considerably.

2) Planning my meals in advance for the week. The whole “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” saying was created with Jason and I in mind. Really. When I had my meals planned out, it was incredibly easy to have supper ready and done within the hour of my daycare kids leaving, which meant I had more time to work out afterwards. So tonight, Jason and I are going to sit down {he doesn’t know this yet, but he will} discuss our meals for Monday through Sunday, make the grocery list, and as soon as I get paid, we’ll be getting groceries for only those meals. Any good crock pot meals you recommend?

I’m also going to be trying to eat as healthy as I possibly can. Super strict until I am able to say no to the good crap stuff. Lots of chicken, fish, veggies, fruit… It just sounds so boring doesn’t it? But I suppose, nothing taste as good as skinny feels.

3) Exercising 5-6 days a week. Preferably 6 days… but Lord knows I’m a tad bit busy. But I’m going to do my best to get in at least two hours a day. I’m excited to run a 5k and move on from there.

I know some people are probably disappointed or are assuming I will never get anywhere, and for that I’m sorry you feel that way. But I’m excited to prove you wrong. I’m excited to be fit and run around with all my kids. To fit into cute clothes and look adorable in pictures.

Who else is struggling? Or are you one who has started and kept at it? Anyone else fall off that losing weight band wagon? Come talk to me, we’ll get back to it together! :)

Love and Toodle-o’s!

It’s Time to Get Real.

Thank you all so much for the love from yesterday’s post. It was kinda a down-in-the-dumps-post, but after the week I had, I just felt like venting. It was the roughest week we had in a while and I apparently just needed to blow off some steam. But thank you for all your offers of help. We truly appreciate it! I think just getting out of the house once in a blue moon would help tremendously.

But onto something new. Like…. Kicking some fat’s ass???

So. I have been contemplating this post for quite some time now. Do I put my weight loss journey all out there for the world to know? Or do I continue to sugar coat things until I’m at a happy weight and feel comfortable baring it then, if at all? It’s incredibly hard for me to look at the scale or in the mirror and not cringe… let alone spilling the beans to all of you.

I have read numerous other weight loss blogs, one in particular that a friend introduced me to. Mama Laughlin is an amazing mom who has accomplished so much. When she started her weight loss journey, she also didn’t have money to join a gym and had to do a lot of things on a limited budget and work with what she had. She actually has been a huge inspiration. And it wasn’t until I read her My Soul is Bared post, is when I really thought to myself I can do this. And shortly after, I started this weight loss journey for real. But since the day I read that post… I have pondered this post that I am writing, and wondered if I actually could do the same. Would I immediately regret this post? There’s only one way to find out.

Before I spill the details, please go ahead and read the rules. Let’s make this a friendly environment and support everyone. And I don’t just mean me. But everyone who is trying to better themselves. For example that over weight gal who is running down the sidewalks, where most would poke fun, smile and tell her keep it up! Or the person who is completely out of place at the gym, who maybe doing something wrong. Stop and say, I was noticing you weren’t doing this correctly, let me give you some pointers and you’re doing awesome! Everyone can use a hand once in awhile, or just a compliment, or a ‘great job’.

Now. For the det’s.

When I got pregnant with the twinnies I was 5’9 at 205. Using those numbers, I am technically obese.

The morning I delivered the babes, I weighted 260 even. I never thought I would see that number in my life time. But I didn’t realize at the time, just how much weight I was carrying around in my stomach. 2 babies totaling over 9 lbs and 4 gallons of fluid. I rolled out of the surgery room 38 lbs lighter. In a half an hour. {Too bad losing weight the hard way doesn’t work that fast huh?}

Then my 6 weeks postpartum appointment came, and I weighed in at 222. And I figured, I’m not going to lose any more weight by just being lucky. It’s time to work.

So fast forward a little bit. I weighed in on July 9th and was 220 lbs. And I had had enough. I was done. I wanted my clothes to fit again. So the next morning, I got up at 5 am, and Beth and I went for an 8 mile bike ride. And started going every other day. Mostly. We’ve missed a couple days. But not many.

Starting July 10th, I was 5’9 and 220 lbs.

Here’s the table I created with my tentative goals :)  As I reach these goals, I get a pretty big reward! None of which is a food reward.

220# 210# 200# 190# 180# 170# 160# 150# 140#
L Bicep 14 ¾”
R Bicep 15 ½”
Boobs 45 ¼”
Under Boobs 40 ½”
Belly Button 44 ¼”
Hips 48 ¼”
L Thigh 28 ¼”
R Thigh 28 ¼”

July 10th Starting Weight: 220

October 10th 1st Quarter Weigh In:                                    {Goal: 199}

January 9th ~ 2nd Quarter Weigh In:                                {Tentative Goal: 174}

April 10th ~ 3rd Quarter Weigh In:                                    {Tentative Goal: 159}

July 10th~ Final Weigh in:                                                  {Tentative Goal: 140-150 lbs!}

 

Now for the rules.

I plan on taking a picture after every 10 lbs lost. {Although, I completely forgot to take a starting picture. So I’ll just find one that I’m in} I’ll take a front facing and side facing picture. When I take a picture, I’ll also add to the above table. I’ll create a new post with updated info in the table with all pictures for comparison.

My official weigh in dates is as listed above with my tentative goals. But I will also weigh in every other Friday morning.

Which today was weigh in day. And I am down to 214! 6 lbs down, only 15 more to go for my first quarter goal, and I still have 9 weeks left!

I’m getting excited about clothes fitting again. It’s going to be like having a whole new wardrobe! I can’t wait to feel like a whole new me. Someone who can keep up with their kids and want to take them to the pool all summer long. There are so many things I’d like to enjoy that I won’t because of my weight.

So bring this on. It’s time to kick some fat’s ass!

 

Kicking Fat’s Ass Start of Week 2

Oh where to begin…?

We’ll just start with the honest truth… I failed some and I rocked some since Saturday.

I didn’t work out thru the weekend and had Taco Johns…. That’s my epic fail. BUT, I was headed to Subway when it started pouring!! And as someone who is addicted to food, decided that I didn’t want to get out in the rain, get soaked, come back out to the vehicle and get more soaked, including my food. So… instead of taking a left to Subway, I took a right to good ol’ TJ’s.

And the kicker is it didn’t even taste as good and I always picture it will. And that happens every time. So why I fight myself with food is just stupid. I just came up with any good reason to head to TJ’s because I was already arguing with myself which to get.

And I’m done with that. If I go anywhere for fast food, I am going to walk in to Subway and get a sandwich. Won’t be easy because we always seem to be running late everywhere we go, so the fastest idea is to run through a drive-thru somewhere. But, I’m done with greasy shit.

Monday, Beth and I went to the gym that evening. Again, we did the elliptical for warm up and then legs and abs workout. And I did better than the time before! That’s ultimately the every day goal right? To do better than the day before?

Then Tuesday, we cancelled our bike ride in the morning. Neither one of us slept well. She couldn’t sleep all night, and I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight or so. So, 4:45 in the morning comes pretty quickly… and makes the 10 1/2 hour work day seem like 20 hours. I meant to go bike riding after work, but my schedule just doesn’t allow for much extra stuff. And then… Extreme Weight Loss was on, and I told myself I’d go when it’s half over. Buuuut…  I completely forgot. I must have really got into the show.

Did anyone else watch it? I wasn’t impressed with her. I don’t know why… but I think it had something to do with when she got caught not exercising for days at a time, she got all defensive. She acted like she didn’t know if she could continue taping this show because her and Chris’s trust was gone since he hired a private investigator to spy on her. Buuuuut, she lied the entire 3rd quarter to him, and Chris caught on. So he hired the PI. And she got mad at him for breaking their trust? But it was okay for her to lie right to his face? So that kinda made me mad.

She looked fantastic at the finale, she just seemed to be one with a lot of excuses during the show. Which looking back.. I tend to have them as well. That is something I seriously need to work on.

But I started fresh today! I’m pretty proud of myself today.

Woke up at 4:45
Ate a banana
Got to gym at 5:15
Left gym at 6:15
Ate 3 {scrambled} egg whites and 1 whole egg with 24 oz of water
Picked up the house before Daycare starts
Daycare started at 7
Ate a bagel at 10:45
Made lunch for daycare kiddos
Picked up after lunch at 11:55.
Beth came over to do some work
Got kids down for nap at 12:30
Fed twins
Did C25K again :) {Never would have done a second workout in the same day before}
Ate a piece of chicken, cottage cheese, carrots, and some edamame
Showered
Kids woke up
Played and had snack
Parents picked up their kiddos
Mom came over
Went to Pizza Ranch where I had only the salad bar, plus one dessert pizza {and a 1/4 cup of tortilla chicken soup}
Came home {feel like I should go biking now}
It’s 8:40 pm, our kids are now in bed.

And I finally get to relax with my husband… for maybe an hour because I have to get up at 4:45 and do it all over again!

MILF status here I come! And yes. I mean that as in the derogatory definition. That’s where I’m headed.

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Clearly, Zuri was soooo excited about Bethy’s work :)

Not sure if I’m Kicking Fat’s Ass….

Or if it’s kicking mine.

This is tough. I forgot how tough it is. My biggest challenge isn’t the actual working out. It’s the getting up early and getting dressed to start the work out. Yes, I can get up for the twinnies, but after an hour of sitting there and feeding them… I just want to crawl back into bed. And I have. And I do.

It’s getting into the workout clothes and actually starting… once I’ve started my work out, it’s great. Like I said, it’s just getting started.

I attempted the P90x 30 minute videos. Holy F buckets! Talk about incredibly hard! I think I jack up my form because every time I ‘attempt’ it and actually live through it, my back kills me for days on end. To the point I can’t lift my daycare kids. So I decided, I’m just going to slow down and do the form right. I’m not going to be able to go as fast as the buff-y pants they have on the TV. So I may start off extremely slow, but at least I’ll have good form. I can only get faster right? Then there is a move at the end of one of the videos called Donkey Kicks. I watched the demonstration on how to do it; politely said “Fuck you” and sat my sweat-drippin’ ass down. They are impossible for someone like me. And it was the last move of the half hour video. I MIGHT have had a chance if it were at the beginning and I wasn’t already barely breathing… barely alive… hanging onto my life by a thread. But at the end?! They are out of their damn minds.

We just got a tire pump for our bicycles so I just now can ride. And to be honest, I’m kinda nervous. I have one pair of bike pants that help cushy the tushy and they barely fit before I got pregnant with twins. Now two babies and 4+ gallons of fluid later… I am scared to put them on. I don’t know if they are going to fit. And if they do fit, I need a huge shirt to cover all that, that hangs over.

It’s so depressing to start this journey. Hell, your workout clothes don’t fit. Everything jiggles when you exercise. You feel like you just can’t physically do anything that happens in that gym. Not to mention time away from family or social events. Or just finding the time to squeeze in a workout amongst 4 children, a husband, 52.5 hr work weeks, and then miscellaneous stuff that comes out of the blue! Then don’t even get me started on trying to change your eating habits. What to buy at the grocery store? Holy hell. It’s so overwhelming. No wonder it’s difficult for people to jump into being healthy.

So I’m starting simple. Move and eat better. No out to eat except once in awhile. {Well let’s get serious… I don’t get ‘out to eat’ unless it has a drive through~ and I’m done with that shit!} And healthy meals with lots of veggies and greens. I know I need to eat 6 times a day… and I’m going to attempt to work on that…. But I have 3 children under the age of 1 that are at my daycare, two of which are 3 month old preemies. I don’t get a lot of time to just sit and eat all my meals and snacks. Hell, I don’t even get my lunch until at least 2:15-2:30, and that’s on a good day!

But at least I’m starting. Kicking Fat’s Ass is starting. Did you hear that Fat? You’re going down!!!!

I just calculated out my calories and to lose the 79 lbs I need gone, I must eat between 1500 and 1700 calories a day. That seems like a lot, especially if you’re eating a lot of veggies that have no calories!

But no excuses anymore. I’m starting and keeping with it. I’ll fall off the wagon here and there. It’s inevitable. But no more not getting back up and just watching the wagon roll away without me. I’ll chase that damn thing down. {Which may take awhile, I don’t run very fast. In fact, I hope my friends and I never get chased by a bear… because I’ll be the first bear meal!}

Now my question is, do you weigh yourself every week, or every other? Or once a month? I refuse to do it daily, so don’t even say that. But I need to weight in to see what direction I’m going. How often is too often? How often is not often enough?

And just because I can… I’m leaving you with my future me picture. Memorize it. You’ll see it often.

 

Isn’t she gorgeous? Ahhh… can’t wait! Shall we name her? Let’s name her Mila. That’s her name going forward. Hello Mila. I’m Marissa. I will be you………………………….

Love and Toodle’os!

Kicking Fat’s Ass is Back

Hey folks! How was your weekend? Mine was awesome. Full of family. Seriously.. I feel bad for all of you who don’t get to experience my family. They are amazing and all of them know how to have a good time. I come by my party’in skills honestly :)

We had my Grandma Heaberlin’s birthday party at my house on Friday, and my entire mom’s side came. Saturday, my cousins, Jess and Brett came over with their boyfriend/girlfriend, Nate and Emily. Seriously… that was the most fun I had in a looong time. I can always count on them to have a good time. We all laughed and laughed… told jokes, played games, bullshitted, it was awesome. And just what I needed. I don’t get to see them often enough. {Maybe that’s a good thing~ I tend to be worthless the day following hanging out with them} We got some good pictures of Jess, but I’m highly doubting she wants them on here :) But I laughed for a good 5 minutes while browsing them.

Sunday was a lot of recovering from Saturday and then my Grandpa Campbell’s birthday party at their house. {Seriously.. I think I can hang with the youngsters until I have to recover… then I realize I am definitely closer to age 30 than 21. Definitely.} So we got to see most everyone from my dad’s side Sunday.

Kensli and I had fun in the sprinkler. And by we, I mean she, and I sat on a lawn chair and watched. Like I said, there wasn’t much action for me on Sunday… But I had a lot of fun watching her! I love how she entertains herself and can use her imagination when she’s playing alone. Especially outside. She can really get creative!

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Anyways.

Well, I am excited to announce that Kicking Fat’s Ass is back! Time to lose my excess baggage that I received from being pregnant with the twins. How a woman’s body can stretch and stretch to accommodate a tiny human, or humans, is amazing… but damaging. Especially in my case. I had two human beings and 4 gallons of fluid in there… let me tell you. That can F a mama’s body up!

Last day before the Twinners arrive!

Seriously.. look at that!!! I look at that now and I’m in shock. It was normal for me at the time and I didn’t think much of it. But now… now, looking at this picture, I just shake my head in disbelief.

And all of that had to go somewhere… and it just hangs out. Seriously it’s gross. So it’s time. It’s time to kick some fat’s ass!!

I literally have been waiting for this for awhile! I am so excited to start fitting into my clothes again. I have a bridesmaid dress to also fit into {which I’m soooo close, but just not quite there} Brett, my cuz I mentioned earlier, is this giant workout buff dude, so he’s helping me with my goals and workouts.

My first goal… my first goal is…. drumroll please…

19 lbs by the end of this month.  I wanted it a short enough period that I would have to work hard to get to my goal, but long enough to still be possible.

How am I going to get there? Well. That’s a good question.

First plan of attack, I will be riding my bike in the morning, 3 or 4 days a week. The twins get up about 5 or so, and it takes about an hour to feed them. So, I thought, after they are done eating, I could go for a 45 minute bike ride {childless} before the  day & daycare starts. Jason and I alternate nights on who gets up to feed them, so literally, every other day, I will be out in the morning.

I also got P90x from Brett that I’m going to do during nap time on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. I’m starting with the 30 minute video. I don’t know if you know this, but my life is filled with kids, 24/7… squeezing in a half hour will be hard enough, let alone the hour version of P90x! But give me time folks, give me time.

My second goal & exercise is the dreaded treadmill. I honestly hate it, but, I thought if I had a goal for running, it would help me get somewhere. I really want to run a 5k in my life. Actually run, ya know, like, not walk any of it?! And then move up from there.  I want to enjoy running, and I think I just need to feel some sort of accomplishment with it. So on my off days with the bike, I’ll be doing the Couch to 5k training. It may sound like a really novice exercise… but this is for someone who has never been able to run the mile! I know… I know. It’s sad. I wasn’t lying when I said I was never a runner. But maybe this will change that. I have to start somewhere.

{Anyone else watch NFL highlights on ESPN while running and pretend you’re the star in the clip to gain adrenaline and intensity? No… just me… okay.}

Brett also gave me a shoulder, legs, chest, and arm workout a few years ago that I will need to squeeze in some how. I am probably going to have to do it just after daycare ends. Once Jason is home to help with our kids that is. I need to fit the weights in. That’s my favorite anyway! I feel so tough lifting my 20 lb weight… haha! {I see you macho men rolling your eyeballs}

I also have a punching bag and a giant tire I plan on flipping. I need to come up with an actual schedule. Not sure how I’m going to fit all that in, but it is going to happen.

I know that’s an extreme amount of gear and exercise listed… but extreme situations call for extreme measures.

Seriously.. I’m an extreme situation. I’m done with this excess weight once and for all. Now that we are done having babies, I don’t have to worry about doing this all over again. Everyone keeps telling me “you just had twins and 4 gallons of extra fluid, you have an excuse” Which maybe the case, but do you know how hard it is to look in the mirror? That excuse doesn’t make it any easier to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes {even though I was extremely over weight before I got preggo}. I just need to change.

The other part I struggle with is food. I am not one who can eat the same thing over and over. Which I know many can… I cannot. I literally get to a point I can’t even chew the food up. It’s weird. So, if you have any great, SIMPLE, healthy meals, fill me in! Especially crock pot meals; those are easy to throw everything in during daycare and forget about.

If you think you have a great recipe, please leave it in the comments below! I would love to try it out!!  Just remember, I do not have hours to spend on a meal. I get off at 5:30, and usually have to feed the twins about that time, so by the time that’s done, it’s 6:30, and then I can start supper, unless Jason got home earlier and can get it started. But he’s been getting home later and later. So, as you can see, time is not on our side.

I’m going to need support. This is going to be so difficult. I’m going to have hard times, and plateaus, and not-so-proud moments. But I’m done throwing in the towel and giving up. This is the beginning of a new me. The start of something awesome! I just have to keep at it.

Anyone else have weight loss goals for this summer? Or any at all? Come on and join me from looking like this:

The tummy flap... Wanna tummy flap fight?

To This:

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Haha! :)totally got this.

Toodle-o’s and Loves!

Stop, and Smell the Roses

Today…

Oh, today…

It was a rough one. My patience and sanity was tested time and time again. Running a daycare in your home really can push all your buttons at once, and multiple times a day, and today was one of those days.

But one of the worst things about running an in-home daycare, is I do not get to leave my work at work, and come home to my family at 5:30 and not worry about a damn thing until 7 the next morning. Some kids leave… however, my kids stay. And the frustration that has lingered all day, stays. I do not get a break from my ‘work’. In fact, there are weeks at a time, that I do not get away from Kensli except at night while we are all sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to stay home with my children, but sometimes, I feel working outside the home is what most parents need to keep their sanity.

And since I have started staying home a little over a year ago, I have noticed Kensli gets a little nervous when she thinks she does something wrong. Or flinches when she has to walk by me after getting in trouble in fear I will bend over and spank her when she isn’t looking. But lately, it has been far worse. The instant fear when she thinks she’s in trouble. It breaks my heart. And deep down, I know I am too harsh on her. For crying out loud, she is only 3. What 3 year old do you know that is perfect? Ya, me neither.

But not only her, my whole family has suffered. Mostly since I have been pregnant, as just about anything can set me off (I never had these emotional breakdowns when I was pregnant with Kensli, but then again,  pregnancy with twins is completely different, and I was at a different point in my life). But my anger has always been an issue I fought. I get so caught up in everything around me that I forget that I’m not paying attention to what matters most to me. I get so busy with things around the house, or cleaning, technology or my phone, that when I’m interrupted because my daughter fell and hurt her knee… I instantly hear a voice in my head already screaming. That voice that helps build my anxiety about the mess that she just made, or the fact that Broden didn’t clean up his room after the 5th time I have asked.

It’s sad really. I run, run, run with everything else that I forget to stop and smell the roses.

I have that voice inside me telling me how I don’t have time to soothe my daughters knee because this laundry needs folded, the dishes needs cleaned, the upstairs is a mess, don’t get me started on the bathrooms, and the dining room isn’t going to clean itself! And already with frustration in my voice, I so rudely ask “Are you fine.? You’re fine. Shake it off.” So she does. She knows to move on.

And the more I think about this, the more my heart aches. Life is so precious.  That life that Jason and I created is so precious. How am I letting her be a 3 year old little girl if I won’t even acknowledge anything but negativity? That doesn’t help her grow, or want to try knew things…

I have spoken with my bestie Kelley about my anger numerous times, and how I am so frustrated with myself for letting my anger get to me, or letting that stupid little voice take over that in turns makes me angry in the blink of an eye. (Jason calls ‘her’ She-ra). And today, Kelley posted a link from Hands Free Mama on her Facebook page. And that entire post is exactly me. To a T. I couldn’t write it better myself. And after having a god-awful morning, I decided to read this because I was curious as to who the bully was. I was a bawling mess… but a quiet one. I didn’t dare wake up any sleeping child today. And for so long I have had a heavy heart about how I behave with my family, but couldn’t quite put a finger on it… until today.  This post opened my eyes wide and I can’t believe it has taken me so long to figure out. I am the bully in my family. I hear so much hatred and anger in my head and all I do is pass it on to the three most important people in my life. They can tell before I do what days they have to walk on egg shells around here.

After reading the post… I am determined to be a different person. I know what is causing me to be this person that no one enjoys being around a good portion of the time. So it would make me just a plain evil person to know what needs fixing and continue life as is. So I’m not. Kensli woke up from her nap and we had a little chit chat. I told her how sorry I was for everything. I told her no more yelling and no more mean mommy. I explained it wasn’t fair for me to bully everyone, and literally, I poured my heart out… to a 3 year old. She was confused. But she did understand no more mean mommy. We had a talk about her behavior (I think she has learned too many things from me the past 2 or 3 months) and explained that we need to talk through our anger. If she’s mad at something she needs to talk to mommy or daddy. Not hit, or yell, or throw things at people. She also understood that. It was a wonderful heart to heart. In fact, I walked away smiling for the first time that day… with a real smile. And the remainder of the day, she did wonderful, as did I. Neither one of us yelled, and she didn’t yell at her friends. She didn’t have the melt down, dramatic temper tantrums because someone was playing with one of her toys. Once in awhile, I had to remind her “Remember what we talked about today?  We need to talk about our anger and not yell.” And she would proceed to tell me she was angry because…. It couldn’t have been a better ending to a pretty terrible day.

So like in that post from Hands Free Momma, I have decided to stop the anger in my head. If I feel something building, I just need to tell myself stop. Let Kensli make a mess experimenting something new. Let Broden be a typical 9 year old boy who loves video games. I’m sure I’ll make mistakes along the way, no one is perfect, myself included. And I don’t know how to completely make this 180 change, but I’m starting with STOP.  

So I will leave you with that. Stop. And smell those roses.