Stories to Sum Up my 3 Year Old

Oh the lovely 3’s. It’s been quite the eye opener since her third birthday. The attitude, the I-know-everything conversations, the tantrums over the tiniest of things, the questions, the curiosity, never missing a beat, and suddenly, she hates sleeping. I’m sure you all know what I am talking about, everyone who has been thru the 3’s and those who have nieces and nephews.

It’s a pleasant experience, I assure you.

Just reading Jenny McCarthy's Pregnancy Book.

Just reading Jenny McCarthy’s Pregnancy Book.

And randomly, she’s into tooting and burping, and everything little boys enjoy. So much so that public restrooms are suddenly my worst nightmare. We were eating with some dear friends of mine, and Kensli and their little 3 year old Aleah had to go potty, and it was my turn to take them since Kelley and Jason took the last two rounds. Of course the stalls were full and all I could do was pray this went smoothly.

Of course not. Why on earth would I think such a thing?

The lady in the stall next to us tooted and I was praying and praying she didn’t hear it. But, of course… “Ah! MOM!! Did you toot??” {Giggles}
Me – “No, Kensli. Why don’t you finish going potty.”
K – “Aleah- did YOU toot??” {More giggles}
A – “No, I didn’t toot!” {Laughing}
Me – “Kensli, don’t worry about it. Go potty so we can get back to our dinner.” {My most stern voice and trying not to show any sort of ‘happiness’ such as a smile or laugh to avoid egging her on.}
K – “I think someone tooted in this bathroom!” {Loud laughter while trying to whisper this sentence and placing her hand under the stall wall to point at the tooting neighbor.}
Me – “Kensli Mae, just finish going potty so we can get out of here!” {Stern voice a little louder now.}
K – [tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot]   “Mommy!!! I tooted! It was loud! Okay, I’m done, lets go now.” Aleah and Kensli were basically on the floor busting a gut by this point.

In the duration of this conversation- said tooter had exited her stall and I frantically tried to hide behind the bathroom stall door so she didn’t see who this mom was that had the ‘uncontrollable’ children…

There are some other stories that I could fill you in on… but they are bathroom stories. They only get grosser as a 3 year old has no filter. None.

She wanted me to take a picture of her 'eating the babies'

She wanted me to take a picture of her ‘eating the babies’

Now that the twinnies are here, breast feeding and pumping have been quite the entertainment for her. She is mostly infatuated with the breast pump. Apparently this thing is the next best to the Wii or XBox. Noooo joking.

So the ‘shields’ that attach to the breast look like cones. And these cones and the actual pump itself are her favorite parts. And of course, what’s a toddler story without an audience?

I had just finished pumping, and for some reason she was really into it this time. Our neighbor had just walked in the door and was chit chatting with us. Kensli walks in and says “Mom, I want a pumper.” And I try to explain that pumps are only for mommies who have babies. ‘Excellent explanation Mama’ I thought! I was on top of this argument.

But she was not having that. “Mom, but why? I want a pumper! I need a pumper on my boobies to get the milk out!”
“No, Kensli, you don’t. I just told you, pumps are for mommies. And only mommies who have babies. You aren’t a mommy, and don’t have a baby, so therefor you don’t have milk in your boobies sweety.” Again, nailed it.

Then the ol’ hubsters decides to join in. “Kensli, it’s not a pumper, it’s a nipple juicer! Can you say nipple juicer??” Seriously. A freakin nipple juicer?!?! Who on this planet thinks that is a great idea to teach a toddler who is learning the ways far too quickly already? Eh.

“Nipple jooooser? I want a nipple jooser mommy.” Oh good heavens. Thankfully, my neighbor is not surprised by any of this. She knows the Haley’s. We are not normal. And she accepts us anyways… thank you Neighbor Lady, thank you.

“Hunny, it’s a pump. Not a pumper or nipple juicer. And only mommies can have them, remember?”

As neighbor lady and I were sitting and trying to have a conversation, my daughter walks in, with her shirt raised up to her neck and she’s holding the cones pressed against her… umm chest. “Mom, can you help me with the nipple jooser”

I’ve lost. I rose my white flag. Throw’in in the towel. It’s best to just pretend you don’t see or hear anything.

So innocent playing play doh until...

So innocent playing play doh until…

She has clearly seen one too many 'red rockets' on our dog.

She has clearly seen one too many ‘red rockets’ on our dog.

“Boobies” are also at the top of conversations now-a-days as you read in the last story. Always asking me about them, why they are out, why I have the pumper on them, why this, why that, what’s this, where’s that.

Tonight, I was breastfeeding Varah, and it’s not as though I just whip ’em out and walk around topless. I try to be somewhat concealed. Well, she eventually noticed what I was doing. And then came to ask the same ol’ questions I always get. Why are you doing that? Why is Varah eating? Why is there milk in boobies? Etc, etc. They only get worse from there.

But then. Then, she asked a question that may have actually made me blush a little bit… She turned to Jason and said “Daddy, do you like to put boobies in your mouth like my sisters?” It took everything I had to not start laughing, crying, or telling her how inappropriate that was. I kept my mouth shut because, to be honest, I didn’t know what reaction would have erupted out of my mouth. What happened to my sweet, precious, little Kensli Mae?

Well. I am going to pour myself a glass of wine after that comment. And I won’t tell you my husband’s response. Because unlike my daughter, I do have a filter.

Toodle-o’s and Loves!

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  1. […] the bathroom while the doc is giving Zuri a check up. The potty run actually goes smoothly, unlike past bathroom trips. I’m guessing because there isn’t an audience this […]

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